Is the current pop-culture philosophy of child rearing wrong? Mardi and I think so. So do others. On the Dennis Prager show today, Dennis spent a full hour discussing an article in The Weekly Standard by Joseph Epstein called “The Kindergarchy”. The basic premise of the article is that our current parenting philosophy incorrectly puts the child at the center of the family unit. No longer is the “family” or the “husband/wife” relationship the center of the family unit.
The article is prescient, funny and sharp. For instance, on the discussion of the overly apparent drive for parents to provide the most culturally enriching environment for their kids:
The relentless cultural enrichment of children under Kindergarchy is not an option; it will be seen to, whatever the toll in time or money. At a minimum, visits must be made to Disneyland, the Epcot Center, national parks, children’s museums, youth concerts, every new movie designed for the children’s market. Various lessons–ballet, tennis, guitar, more–must be contracted, with mom or dad driving the kids to them and picking them up afterwards. ("Parenting," that dreary neologism, has given the old role of parent the status of a job, and no part-time one, either.) Each child must have a vast arsenal of toys, with emphasis currently on the wireless. The appropriate CDs and DVDs need to be acquired, and books, lots and lots of books. "Mackenzie has read Harry Potter, all seven books, three times." How nice for Mackenzie! "Gideon adores books about mythology, and, did I tell you, he’s learning French?" Merveilleux! A parent can report nothing more satisfying than that her child is an eager reader, years and years ahead of himself, and, though only nine, already reading at the postdoctoral level of comprehension.
As taught in the much maligned “Growing Kids God’s Way” study that Mardi and I took when we were new parents, the child is not the center of the family, the spousal relationship and their relationship to God, is the center, the cornerstone, the foundation of the family unit – not the kids. The children are welcomed and loved members of the greater family, and thus, as members, have responsibilities and rules that build up their confidence and the stability of the greater family, not their egos.
Go check out the article and tell me what you think. It is a very well written statement refuting much of today’s pop-culture parenting methods. The article closes:
“Newspapers stories are beginning to report that, on the job, these people, raised under the Kindergarchy, don’t tolerate criticism well, and need lots of praise to buck them up and get them through the day. A friend of mine, who works for a financial consulting firm, tells me that the brightest of the young men and women going into financial work he meets are almost all interested in hedge funds–they want big scores, 20 or so million before they reach 30. They didn’t have to wait long for their toys or attention or anything else as children, so why should they wait for the world’s prizes as adults?
The consequences of so many years of endlessly attentive childrearing in young people can also be witnessed in many among them who act as if certain that they are deserving of the interest of the rest of us; they come off as very knowing. Lots of their conversation turns out to be chiefly about themselves, and much of it feels as if it is formulated to impress some dean of admissions with how very extraordinary they are. Despite all the effort that has been put into shaping these kids, things, somehow, don’t seem quite to have worked out. Who would have thought that so much love in the home would result in such far from lovable children? But then, come to think of it, apart from their parents, who would have thought otherwise?”
Do you really think the rise in popularity of shows like Super Nanny and Nanny 911 are pure coincidence, or are we secretly envious of the positive effects that their unique brand of discipline brings?